Night shift

Working night shift tonight, start my vacation today at 7am. Not planning on going anywhere, am going to a Valentine banquet Saturday night, think I will go and find something to wear. I'll write later how it went.

Day off

Well I worked yesterday 3-11 shift, off today, did some running around, went to the library, grocery store, and Christian Book Store. At home now will be spending most of the day doing laundry. Have about 5 load to do. I've got to force myself to do them or I will be going to work naked.
This last weekend I took care of a patient that also has lung cancer, it's hard to think that Jim has been gone over a year, but when I work with a patient that has lung cancer I get a feeling of attachment, this man is a little older than him. It really breaks my heart that someone has to hurt like he did, Jim was such a strong force. I've tried to express how I'm feeling right now, but seem to have trouble finding just the right words. I spent so much time devoted to him, even before the cancer taking care of him, and now that he isn't here, I feel like I'm looking for someone else to take care of. People tell me that I need to look for someone to love and have them take care of me. But I feel like I'm not whole unless I'm taking care of someone. There's a empty part of me that needs love. I don't feel the love anymore, it seems as everyone else has love and happiness, except me, I feel fat, ugly and all alone. It's like I look at everyone existing around me. I don't feel apart of anything like I'm invisible, and orphaned like.